Ready When Called: Walking with God

“My time is limited,” admits Sister Mary Lou Ruck, SP. This is true for all of us; however, due to stage 4 breast cancer, Sister Mary Lou has months left to live.

Sister Rosemary Schmalz, SP, with stage 4 lung cancer, is also facing this reality. These are two – among several – Sisters of Providence of Saint Mary-of-the-Woods, Indiana, who are currently receiving hospice services.

Sharing about their experiences, each sister names the expansive unknown that lies ahead. “… I realize that I am staring the unknown in the face and that indeed does give me pause,” Sister Rosemary acknowledges. Sister Mary Lou sees the unknown of dying as another unknown in her life. Trusting that this is all a part of God’s unfolding, Sister Mary Lou shares that facing her aging and dying has “changed my level of trust, not only in God, but in God’s gift of nature … things are born and things die … This is the natural thing to do.”  

Even though she is surrounded by loving sisters and friends, Sister Rosemary acknowledges, “(N)one of them has had this experience and none of them can really share my experience. I feel both alone and not alone.” A self-identified extrovert, Sister Mary Lou notes, “I’m withdrawing into the interior part of me more and more easily. It’s more natural for me to just quiet everything down.”

Both sisters find comfort in recalling all who have faced this unknown. They feel accompanied by family, friends, and “especially the 2,300-plus Sisters of Providence,” Sister Rosemary quickly calculates from the cemetery records.

Each sister has been intentional about sharing her reality with others. The responses have varied from crying, offers of prayer, silent touch or hugs. Both sisters were relieved to discover that their family and friends support their decision to forgo cancer treatment and enter hospice. Prayer feels especially supportive right now. When asked what she hopes people are praying for, Sister Mary Lou states, “a peaceful death.” 

Although change is an inevitable part of life, both sisters admit that aging and dying are processes of profound change. Leaning into the mystery of death requires them to navigate many cycles of letting go of capacity and identity.

As capacity changes, they have let go of driving and ministries. One’s sense of self also shifts. As Sister Rosemary puts it, she wants to let go of “my old judgmental self, the one who sees herself as in charge of her life.” Sister Mary Lou has noticed her body slowing down. She has been letting go of the need to be right and is more willing to compromise.

Letting go of the illusion of independence, each recognizes the importance of interdependence. To ease the situation, Sister Mary Lou tells herself, “I paid my dues. Now it’s time to let others help me. So, I ask for what I need. That’s not always easy.” Sister Rosemary seeks openness and acceptance as she leans into “a curiosity that gives me courage.” 

“I am on an adventure, I can’t stop it, and wow, look at what I am going to learn!” Sister Rosemary reflects. Through reading books on aging and preparing for death and talking with others, Sister Mary Lou has gathered many tools for this adventure. Her biggest takeaway is to “let the aged make their own decisions, as long as they are safe ones.” 

While Sister Mary Lou’s intention is to gracefully and prayerfully, “ease myself out of life,” she still sees ministry as a priority in the adventure. “It’s good for me to get out among the folks,” she says about her ministry playing cards with sisters with memory loss. 

Both sisters acknowledge how privileged they are, knowing that not everyone has what they need at the end of this life. They want to go with gratitude in their hearts. “I’m always thankful that there’s somebody (to help),” Sister Mary Lou says.

“More than anything else, I want to grow in love and I want to give myself to the adventure, accept it, even relish it,” Sister Rosemary concludes.

Originally published in the summer 2026 issue of HOPE magazine.