Moving from Bystanding to Upstanding

Note: The following newsletter was co-authored by Providence Associates Dr. Pearlette Springer and Jane Fischer as part of the JUSTus Episode 24 Podcast.

Moving from bystanding to upstanding is simple, yet complex and complicated. As Cardinal Joseph Tobin stated several weeks ago, “Just say no.”

Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now, in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women.^*So what do you say?” Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.  But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again, he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So, he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.” — John 8:3-11

Becoming an upstander means actively engaging in harmful situations rather than remaining passive. These harmful situations can include, but are not limited to, speaking out, harassment, discrimination, bullying, or microaggressions. Engaging as an upstander may involve directly telling someone to stop their harmful behavior. It could also include distracting the perpetrator by making noise, calling the authorities (such as the police), or alerting others in charge of the environment. Additionally, you can support the person being targeted and check on them after the incident has de-escalated.

But with every action there is a reaction. Common barriers to upstanding include misinterpreting a situation. In a public environment, without knowing the people involved, it is difficult to tell whether a situation is harmful or playful. Upstanding during a situation that is a playful interchange can be humiliating.

Other common barriers include fear of retribution or the escalation to violence, and breaking social norms that tolerate incidents of discrimination, bullying, and microaggression. Be aware that breaking social norms can lead to being marginalized within your own familial groups.

Several years ago, a Sister of Providence went on a two-week missionary experience. On the way there, she met an Indigenous woman at the city’s bus station. Since they were both traveling up to the mountains, they decided to travel together.

The Indigenous woman was accompanying an older Indigenous woman home. Both of these Indigenous women had heard of the Sisters and valued their advocacy for Indigenous communities. The Indigenous women volunteered to be the sister’s guide while she was on her missionary trip.

While on the bus, the bus driver began ridiculing and bullying the Indigenous women by making disparaging remarks about their culture. The Indigenous women simply hung their heads down in humiliation. No one on the bus said anything. The environment was tense, and the passengers’ anger was evident on their faces. They were fearful for their safety as they traveled through an isolated country and the mountains. 

The key principles of upstanding are empathy, assertiveness and safety.

Deciding to be an upstander requires an individual to overcome the bystander effects of fear, shock, awe, numbness, or other barriers to taking personal responsibility to help rather than assuming that someone else will.

According to the American Psychological Association, the proactive steps to take to become an upstander are as follows:

• Take notice of the situation and interpret it.
• Evaluate the problematic nature of the situation.
• Assume responsibility.
• Decide how to approach.
• Take action.

Taking action includes following the Hollabacks! (hollerbacks) 5 D’s

• Distract: Try to de-escalate the situation by interrupting with a commotion such as dropping something hard on the floor, coughing, small talk, etc.
• Delegate: Engage a nearby individual for assistance.
• Document: Begin videotaping the situation or write notes.
• Delay: Engage with the person being targeted.
• Direct: Speak firmly against the harm being done.

Distract: One of the ways that the Sister of Providence riding the bus could have countered the bus driver’s actions would have been to begin praying out loud, reciting something that other people on the bus may have known, such as the Hail Mary or the Our Father. She may have even started praying the rosary. Another way she could have distracted the perpetrator was by singing.

Delegate: These two ways, singing or praying out loud, would have engaged the nearby individuals into action. Some probably would have begun praying or singing along with her.

Document: Sister, while singing or praying, could have taken her phone out and begun recording what was happening on the bus. If the driver was still engaging in harassing the Indigenous women, this too would have been recorded.

Engage: Since the Indigenous women were already sitting with Sister, the engagement was underway. She may have wanted to reach out and touch their hands or place her arms across their shoulders.

Direct: When the bus reached its destination, and the passengers were in a safer environment, Sister could have spoken firmly with the passenger [and probably within earshot of the driver] about the harm being done. At this point, authorities could have been notified.

Once the situation has been diffused and people have dispersed, the next steps are to meet and engage with others.  In these meetings, upstanders can begin to shift social norms to help prevent the situation from occurring again. On the communal level, they can begin a public awareness campaign to bring light to what has been seen as a small offense. Upstanders can encourage community leaders and peers to take on pro-social and helping behaviors.  It then becomes time to initiate an anti-bias, anti-bullying, anti-discriminatory, anti-microaggression, and anti-whatever-you-witnessed campaign.

In our own institution, organization, workplace, or family, we can engage the leaders to address the issue. We need to research and learn different approaches to address similar issues, facilitate and promote inclusion and acceptance of diversity of thoughts, perspectives, ethnicities, gender, etc. We can take the initiative to assist leadership in developing a climate of respect, active listening, and open-mindedness. Upstanding allows us, as organizations and individuals, to teach and spread the word of living in a more just society of Love, Mercy, and Justice.