Journals and Letters week 22: “I am so tired …”
“I am so tired of treating of these matters with His Lordship.”
These words of Mother Theodore’s sum up this whole passage for me perfectly. For so long we have been following along with all the unnecessary hardship this bishop is putting these sisters through. I am so tired of it, too, Mother Theodore! And I am not even living through it, just reading about it.
Where I find myself in this moment makes me appreciate Mother Theodore still further. I am home sick with a family of five. One daughter has been diagnosed with COVID-19. And, although the rest of us are awaiting our test results, I’m guessing most, if not all, of the family has it. So here I am, trying to keep up with my work remotely, keep at least some clean dishes in the house, feed people, take care of people and I don’t feel good myself.
Working while ill
I think of Mother Theodore. She had to stay in charge and oversee everyone else. A true “mother.” And on top of all that the bishop keeps causing problem after problem. All of this is compounded by Mother Theodore’s chronic poor health that leaves her ill or weak much of the time. Oh, to feel ill much of the time and still accomplish so much! This woman is my hero.
“I should be only too happy if my task were accomplished and I might be allowed to retire, to think of myself and prepare for death, which I believe is not too far off,” she writes. Ahh such luxury for an overworked woman in ill health! Retirement. Reflection. But she continues, “However, I do not will or desire anything but the fulfillment of the Divine Will.” And in that willingness to give her all, I think we see what makes this woman a saint. She would love a break, but she works for God’s mission to the very end.
In one letter Mother Theodore refers to a “year of anxieties.” I’m guessing most people the world over can relate to that this year. In yet another letter she writes, “I turned to my God and felt my confidence reanimated.” A good bit of advice for all of us as we move forward after a long and difficult year.
In what ways does “turning to God” help you to feel your “confidence reanimated?”
With what words of Mother Theodore in this passage can you most easily relate?